A Life Blog about My Life, Dawg

  • 226: ted (ted & johnny)

    johnny. what is johnny? who is he you mean? is that what you’re asking? okay. johnny’s one of those guys that’s hard to pinpoint. he’s an actor, you know, he’s got those chops, he can read a person like a paperback, cover to cover, instantly. you watch him, he’ll enter a room and you watch him introduce himself to someone, he scans ’em, does a once over, and boom, he knows you. you get to talking to him and within five minutes he knows enough info about you to destroy you from the inside out. but johnny, he’s too nice for that. he can’t bring himself to tear a person down. he gets what he wants, sure, but he’ll leave you intact while he goes after it. me, i tore people down, but every time it was like hooking a string to their backs which pulled a bit of my soul outta me. stuff wears you down. nah, johnny’s nice, he’s too nice, he’s this actor but he don’t have any spirit, no, ah, no fire in him. he wanders around like a ghost. you watch him, he’s always wearing white. cause he’s a ghost, see. he loves that symbolism bullshit. people think that makes him superficial but he’s not, that’s the trick. he’s not superficial. if anything he’s too deep. he’s in too deep. he’s swimming in the deep end looking for meaning, and most of the time it nearly drowns him. he’s gotta fight that, so he put son a good face. he acts. he is an actor, after all. johnny loves a person who’s open, loves a guy who will not bullshit him, because he knows he can murder you with whatever information you give him, but by giving it to him, it shows a level of trust.

    look at me. talking about my own brother like he’s a polar bear or someshit. johnny’s a good man, he just has trouble relating to people because he’s acting. he wants you to be real but he’s not being real. you get me? if you find a way beyond those defenses, then you will have a friend for life. but it takes time, and it takes effort, and honestly, i don’t even know if it’s worth it.

  • 225: johnny (ted & johnny)

    all of mom’s photos are in a jumble in that box over there. i went through a few of them but there’s thousands in there. it was hard. like. look at all these memories, why did you kill yourself, you have all this beautiful stuff. this beautiful life. two kids, one of whom is doing well for himself. yeah yeah, i know. dad. it’s all dad’s fault. but you know mom, you know how she was. even if dad was a nice guy, she would still have whatever it was swimming around in her head. dad just married her because he settled, because he was a piece of shit. when you’re a piece of shit, your options are limited to “damaged” women. he could control her, he could manipulate her. but even in a loving home, which, you know, after dad died, she had. she had a loving home. these last few years were us practically strangling her with love. and yet, she’s dead, he’s dead, the house is gone. you’re a drunk and i’m a failed actor. the sun rises, the sun sets. we die and get turned into worm food. what i’m saying is: maybe this is supposed to be. maybe her suicide was fate, written into her bloodstream, little morse code dots flashed in chemicals in her brain. something was misfiring. it misfires in all of us, ted. we are the chaff of a dysfunctional family, ted. we wanted to be the wheat but we are definitely the chaff.

  • 224: the masked marauder

    alright. i’m a superhero. is that what you wanted to hear? wanted me to come clean, did you? well here i am, squeaky clean! i’m the masked marauder. not a name i came up with, though all good nicknames are never made by the person. you get what i mean. superman, batman. batman never called himself “bat man,” everyone else did. the name stuck. see, i wouldn’t consider myself a marauder so much as a vigilante, one who uses his superpowers to help avenge the crimes that are overlooked by the police. am i lawful? no. have i killed a few people in my line of duty? yes. again, not like batman or superman in that respect. i think if people are too bad, they need to be put down. but does that make me any worse than you average police officer who kills innocent people left and right? of course not. am i better than the cops who murdered tamir rice? yes. absolutely. definitely. will the disenfranchised people rally around that? yes. and they should. because i am taking care of their issues, and i will always help them no matter what you try to do to me. because all of you in here know that i could break through these chains and snuff your lives out without a second thought. but i don’t. because i’m better than that. i’m a superhero, not a supervillain. so do us all a favor and release me, so that i can continue my work.

  • 223: grover (alone in your own mind)

    everyone thinks their life is the definitive one. and they should! because you don’t know anyone else’s life except your own. it’s why i think people do so much with their lives, because no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be another person, and i think there’s a loneliness in realizing that. you know, on an atomic level, you never actually touch anything? weird, huh? your collection of atoms comes close to the collection of atoms on a desk or whatnot, but they never actually touch, cause of the molecular bonds and because of the electron cloud. that newspaper you’re holding, you’re never going to touch it. that woman you love, you can hug her as hard as possible but you’ll never touch her. even if you make love to her, you’re not touching. crazy, huh? in the grand scheme of things, you are alone in your own mind. some people can’t take that, they gotta be around people all the time, to fill up that sense of dread. others, like me, well i can hang out under this bridge and sing little songs to myself and entertain myself and whatnot, and i’ll be fine. everyone’s different. point is, i don’t get mad when people yell at me or tell me i should get a job, because the way i figure it, those people have had decades of a life that’s so different from mine, ain’t no way we’ll be on the same page. even people that love me, even people that say they’re gonna help, they don’t know, they’ll never know me, never know what goes on inside this head of mine. so damn right i should think my life is the most important one! it’s the only one i know!

  • The First ReHuman

    [This is a short story written from r/writingprompts, back in August of 2015. The prompt was: You are the first human designed by machines.]

    I took in my first breath on October 16, 2101. It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized it was still October 16, 2101, and that none of the clocks worked. The sun blazed against the dusty earth, and I spent a significant amount of time during my first few cycles of life sorting through my memories, which were cobbled together from one thousand, four hundred and sixty-two separate people. Bits and pieces of information. The Builders explained that they siphoned memories from my people before the Extinction in an attempt to preserve us, but couldn’t extract the raw data from the memory without destroying both, with the exception of basic motor skills and involuntary processes. So walking, breathing, no problem, but every time I use my access card it reminds me of the night my husband left me and I drove to the office, sobbing my eyes out, and sat in my Executive Director of Operations chair, drinking sixteen year old scotch and staring out at the Seattle skyline. My name was Emily and according to the Builders, the memory was recalled over six thousand times in her lifetime. She really loved that man.

    Seattle doesn’t exist anymore. Hell, scotch doesn’t exist anymore. I subsist on a porridge the Builders process in a facility underground. I’ve tried arguing with X24 about how much better it would be to eat real food, but the Builders insist that the porridge contains all essential vitamins and nutrients and that any other type of food would be inferior. “Why did you even give me knowledge of food then?” I ask, and X24 buzzes, “To make you a complete human.”

    Here I am, a complete human, full of the memories and voices of over a thousand people in my head, my body purposely hermaphoditic, my gender completely homogenized. Every muscle and fiber is perfectly engineered, and I can run faster and jump higher than any other human who ever lived. I only know this because I competed in the 2048 summer Olympics and hit a world record in the pole vault, and the 2052 Olympics, getting the world record in the 200 meter run. These were the last Olympics held before the Extinction. I have shattered these records significantly since then.

    I try to get X24 to run with me but it is uninterested in exercise. “We have created you to not need exercise,” it says. Again, I try to argue but X24 doesn’t really listen to me. So I go on long runs through the ruined country. Life is sparse, and the ruins of cities show the destruction the Extinction brought. I have no memories of this event, and X24 refuses to tell me anything about it, but it soon becomes apparent that I am the only human being alive.

    I spend countless cycles desperately pawing through my memories, which blur as they get further away. I am a complete being with incomplete thoughts; nothing ever congeals to a cohesive whole. I know how to ice skate; I learned when I was a six year old boy in northern Wisconsin, my mother holding onto my hand, but the act of tying my ice skate laces relates to a four year old girl in France as her father shows her how to tie her shoes. I can feel the thick puffy winter coat in Wisconsin but coats remind me of that downpour in Tanzania, pulling my jacket over my head and laughing with my wife as we ran for shelter. Trying to focus these two memories into one is nearly impossible and it’s very disorienting.

    One memory sticks with me, of Beatriz, a young girl in Barcelona, in 2062, hiding alone in a dark closet while something searches for her outside. Some memories are simple bits of data but others are more complex, quantum theory and philosophy, for example, and thus I get a little more time with the memory. Beatriz is terrified, but it is a weary sort of terror. She is thinking about her future and where her soul will go when she dies. Has she done enough good in the world to rise to Heaven, or if she will be stuck in purgatory, or on Earth as a ghost, or worse? When presented next to the extensive scientific knowledge in my head, her worries seem ludicrous, and yet, I can feel her concern deep in my bones. It churns in my gut. I’m as scared as she is. Where did everyone go when they died? Where will I go when I die?

    I am on Earth for over seven thousand cycles when X24 arrives on my doorstep one day to deliver bad news. He informs me that the Builders have thought about it and that they have decided rebuilding humanity is a mistake, that my request for a partner is hereby denied. “You were a simple experiment, nothing more,” X24 explains.

    “You’re just going to let me die out here, alone?” I ask.

    “We have your consciousness stored and will decide what to do with it after your tissue decays to unstable levels.”

    I slump to the ground and start crying, sobbing hysterically, just like Emily up in her Seattle office. X24 hovers over me for a long time. I don’t know what functions are in his programming but I assume compassion and empathy are not among them. When I can compose myself, I ask, “Do you feel any regret for making me?”

    “We do not feel anything,” X24 replies.

    “That’s too bad,” I say.

    X24 does not contact me again for over 2400 cycles. I have moved, settling in the deep canyons where the oceans used to be. A small vehicle arrives every week with a drum full of porridge, which I begrudgingly accept. I look for any kind of plant or animal life to sustain me but find none. I would say I spend my time meditating, but in truth I am trying to reconcile the memories in my head. It is a difficult and frustrating process, and as I get older, I find more and more of my memories slipping away. But they are replaced with my own whole memories, created here on this old dirt planet, memories of traveling and running through the ruins of cities, gathering bits and pieces of what used to be. Sometimes I remember that I have made them myself and that knowledge makes me happy. My brain strives to create a whole person, regardless of the number of pieces given.

    In the canyon I am studying an atlas of Earth from before the Extinction. It reminds me of a Geography class in high school in southern Alabama. I was a fifteen year old boy.

    X24 arrives. I’m almost happy to see him, though I’m sure he doesn’t care. He sits with me in the canyon and I show him the atlas, which he studies for a second before dropping to the ground.

    “Where did the oceans go? I ask.

    “We used them,” he replies, and says nothing more. He then opens a panel in his chest and removes a small, red apple. He hands it to me. “We grew this for you,” he says.

    I am crying again. I see the Space Needle in my mind’s eye. I take a bite out of the apple and let the juice run down my chin and savor the sweetness, just like when I was a five year old girl in Bristol.

  • 222: fiona (immortal trevor)

    fortunately, everyone is dead. except trevor. fucking guy will not die, no matter how hard we try. mary shot him right in the head, right between the eyes, and the bullet just spun on his forehead and then clattered to the ground. but everyone else, dead. at least we have that, right doc? trevor’s an exception, he’s an anomaly, maybe his skull is made of titanium, i don’t know. he can still speak, he’s not a zombie or anything like that. he just can’t be killed. so, i don’t know what to do. oh mary splashed acid on him and it didn’t burn his face off. maybe it’s a shield or a a a a force field, maybe he’s got a force field around him. i’ll ask mary next time i see her. thing is, with everyone else dead, it kind of doesn’t matter if trevor’s alive or dead anyway. the man’s an idiot, there’s no way he’s got the brainpower to keep an entire story like this one in his head, you know what i mean? he’s an idiot, he’s also immortal. so we’re going to have to deal with that eventually, but when it comes to this mass genocide thing, i think we can let it slide, don’t you? maybe we’ll find a loophole that’ll let us cut his head off or something. i’ll talk to mary, she knows all the tips and tricks regarding killing people. it’s kind of weird, how much she knows. anyway! the earth is yours, except for trevor. but i’m sure you can deal with trevor.

  • The Purpose of Life

    [This is a story written from the a prompt on Reddit’s WritingPrompts subreddit. The prompt (and all of its typos) is: People only grow old amd die when they found their own purpose in life. You have lived for a millenia and you notice a strand of your gray hair.]

    I stepped inside the remains of the enormous, empty warehouse. Dust a quarter inch thick displaced into deep footprints as my soft shoes pattered against the concrete, leaving the faintest echo in the completely barren room. I met the Shaman there — my name for him, not his — a thin, bronze-colored man with leathery skin, wearing a gray flannel shirt and blue jeans, nothing else. He was sitting cross-legged in the center of the warehouse, eyes closed, in some type of meditation. But he opened his eyes when I arrived, and smiled gently at me.

    “Finally, you come seeking answers,” he said. He stood, lifting himself off the ground with a spry step. He looked old, ancient even, with thin white hair and cloudy blue eyes, his face gaunt and stretched tight against his skull. Almost like he was wearing a mask. “Look at you,” he said. “You don’t look like you’ve aged one bit.” He laughed and stepped close to me, studying my face, running a bony hand through my dark brown hair. Tugged on my earlobes. “Yes, not a day since … well.”

    “How do you know who I am?” I asked.

    “The longer a man lives, the more likely he is to be known,” the man replied. “And when a man lives a thousand years, his name echoes in many chambers. I bet you didn’t expect to find an old ascetic like me in the ruins of the Newark Port Authority, did you?” he said, and grinned. He was missing more than a few teeth.

    “I didn’t expect to be led here, no,” I said. “But I’ve been everywhere on this planet and it wouldn’t surprise me to find enlightenment in Newark.”

    “Is that what you seek? Enlightenment?” the man asked. I nodded, and he cackled in glee. “How brilliant,” he said. “Misguided, but brilliant.” And then he turned and beckoned me to follow him.

    He led me to his home, born out of an old shipping container. It was stuffed with decades of memorabilia, and had a sense of familiarity about it, as my own home, the latest one in Sri Lanka, at least, was also stuffed with memorabilia, though mine went back centuries. He had lit a few candles which gave the room sharp, overgrown shadows that flickered back and forth along the walls and ceiling.

    He cut open a can of soup with a knife and made a small fire in an old grill he had found in one of his various trash heaps. “Tell me about your life,” he said to me, gathering charcoal from an old bag.

    “There’s a lot to tell,” I said. “I was born on March 8, 1638 in a hamlet in England, to a tailor and his wife. I didn’t want to be a tailor myself, so I started wandering the countryside looking for odd jobs. Then, a hundred years later, after all of my friends had died, I started to wonder why I hadn’t died myself. I hadn’t aged at all, not since, like you said, I was around 24, 25 … I traveled to the Orient thinking they had some mystical reasoning for my agelessness, but that trip ended up taking me all over the world.

    “I met a man in India who said that the god Krishna had granted me neverending life, but couldn’t tell me why. Nobody can tell me why, I’ve noticed. They are surprised, excited, saddened, angered by my longevity, yet none can tell me why. So I wander. I’ve been everywhere in this world, every continent, and even in the arctic. I have touched both poles. I have climbed Mt. Everest, and descended to the depths of the Mariana Trench. I have fought in countless wars, and in some, I wished to die. I was so reckless, I fought so poorly because I wanted to be killed, because I had lived so long. But I remained alive. I’m not immortal. I can be hurt, I have been struck with the worst illnesses and have faced Death’s door several times, but every time … I make it through. After the bombs fell I took shelter, I was living in Toronto at the time, my wife then and I traveled north, into Quebec, and hid, hid for months while the war scoured the countryside. When it was over, my wife, my children, were all dead. Succumbed to the harsh winters. But they were one of many, I’ve loved and lost so many times my soul feels calloused and rigid.”

    The old man handed me a cracked ceramic bowl and poured half of the contents of the steaming can of soup into it, then plopped a crude wooden spoon in the soup, a spoon he likely whittled himself. I took a few eager sips, not realizing how hungry I was until the warmth of the broth filled my belly.

    “Tell me about your loves,” the old man said.

    “There are too many,” I replied. “When I was younger, I had an insatiable desire welling inside of me, this constant need to figure out why I was still alive. That often translated into sex, or love, or infatuation. I have had so many lovers, so many wives, so many children, and many of those moments were the happiest parts of my life, and others … were the worst. When you’re young, you’re extreme, like a piece of rock chipped off from a boulder, all jagged and angled. Then that rock falls into a river and over years and years and years, the rock becomes smooth, worn down. Perfect, in a way. But I never got that. I never became frail, never felt the need to slow down. My extremes lasted centuries, and my good years could be decades, my bad years … also decades.

    “Fortunately, time is a lot like a river, even when you don’t age. Time wore me down, and I found myself entering longer relationships. Some of them knew, about me, about my problem. So they would age and I would not, and they would know. I would watch them, study them, as they got older, trying to figure out what was different between them and me. But for all the others, eventually, I would have to leave. They would be 40 and I would still be 25. They would ask questions. I would have to fabricate some story, some reason for leaving. A lot of fights. They all ended in fights. That … that wore me down too.

    “I told Lizzie — my wife in Toronto — I told her that I couldn’t age, and she scoffed at me when she was 20, but realized it was true when she was 42, me and her and the kids, one of whom was nearly my age, my visual age I mean. We were in Quebec by this time, I had built us a log cabin home, I had plenty of centuries to learn how to build practically anything with wood. We were warm for a while, but then the soldiers would march north and we’d have to move again. We had a tent, so we lived in a tent a lot. I could hunt, fish, capture any type of bird or animal we wanted, but no matter where we stayed, the war followed. Every time we thought we were hidden, we would hear men’s boots cracking the detritus of the forest, or the howling of search dogs, or random gunfire. So we moved. It was cold, too cold, and it killed them, my wife, my kids. That wore me down.”

    “So you have loved many?” the old man asked.

    “So many,” I replied. “Too many.”

    We were silent for some time, drinking soup. The old man said nothing but watched me with a pitiful gaze, as though appraising my life. Then, he stood and held a finger up as if to say, hold on. He headed into his storage container home and I watched as the sun, obscured by the warehouses, spilled orange and red and purple color into the sky as it began its descent behind the horizon. It was midsummer, warm, very warm, and I was thankful for that warmth.

    The man returned with a medium-sized cardboard box, which he sat on the ground beside me. He then sat next to me and opened the box. He pulled out a picture frame, the picture side facing him. He looked at me, and then to the picture. “The purpose of life is to find purpose in life,” he said matter-of-factly. He gave me the picture frame, which I turned over in my hands. The photo in the frame was old, maybe two hundred years old. A young woman, her red hair pulled back into a tight bun, rosy cheeks and bright green eyes, a thin smile on her face, though her eyes shone discomfort, like when someone wants to take your picture but you don’t, so you fake happiness, because you know that photo will live on forever.

    “Who is this?” I asked.

    The man reached into the box and pulled out another frame, smaller than the last. In this photo, the same woman, gleefully wrapping her arms around a man. Her style of dress looked to be pre-war, pre-bombs. A better time. Something about her smile knocked against my mind like a pebble dislodging an avalanche. She looked familiar, so familiar and yet I could not place it. The old man saw my eyes widen and grinned, clapping his hands together quickly and diving into the box. He produced a series of photos, some in frames, some not, which he handed to me en masse.

    The woman, pre-war, sipping a drink beside a pool.

    The woman, pre-war, in the backseat of a car with some friends.

    The woman, post-war, eyes wide in a darkened room, taking a self-portrait by candlelight.

    The woman, pre-war, in ski clothes clearly made in the 1990s.

    The woman, pre-war, wearily sitting for a daguerreotype, circa 1870s.

    “Where did you get these?” I asked.

    “I told you, a long life echoes through many chambers. Do you recognize her yet?” the man asked.

    “Aoife Murphy,” I blurted. “I met her in a dance in London in … 1663.”

    “Tell me about her,” the man said.

    “She … she was the first woman I ever loved. Really, ever loved. She was from Dublin and had moved to London with her family, her father was a cobbler, one of the best in the city. The moment we met eyes that night it was … it was fate. We danced all night and talked until the sunrise. Her father hated me though, and though we wanted to marry he wouldn’t have it. And then, in ’65 the plague hit and … we lost contact. I assumed she died of the plague. I mean, her father, her brothers, they were all in London and they all caught it and died…” I looked up at him. “Are you saying she’s still alive? Like me?”

    The old man smiled again. He reached into the box and produced one more frame, a larger one, which he blew on to dislocate the thick dust on it. He handed it to me.

    On it was a painting of Aoife, wearing the typical fashionable dress of 1660s England. “The purpose of life is to find purpose in life,” he said. “Some find it in work, some find it in play. Some find it in others. Look.”

    The man reached over and wrapped an index finger around a hair in my head, pulling it out. I winced at the sharp yet quickly fading pain. He pulled the hair taut between his fingers.

    It was gray. My first gray hair.

    “Better hurry,” he said. “You don’t have much time left.”

  • 221: william (the purpose of life)

    [This is a story written from the a prompt on Reddit’s WritingPrompts subreddit. (which is why it’s not all lowercase as usual.) The prompt (and all of its typos) is: People only grow old amd die when they found their own purpose in life. You have lived for a millenia and you notice a strand of your gray hair.]

    I stepped inside the remains of the enormous, empty warehouse. Dust a quarter inch thick displaced into deep footprints as my soft shoes pattered against the concrete, leaving the faintest echo in the completely barren room. I met the Shaman there — my name for him, not his — a thin, bronze-colored man with leathery skin, wearing a gray flannel shirt and blue jeans, nothing else. He was sitting cross-legged in the center of the warehouse, eyes closed, in some type of meditation. But he opened his eyes when I arrived, and smiled gently at me.

    “Finally, you come seeking answers,” he said. He stood, lifting himself off the ground with a spry step. He looked old, ancient even, with thin white hair and cloudy blue eyes, his face gaunt and stretched tight against his skull. Almost like he was wearing a mask. “Look at you,” he said. “You don’t look like you’ve aged one bit.” He laughed and stepped close to me, studying my face, running a bony hand through my dark brown hair. Tugged on my earlobes. “Yes, not a day since … well.”

    “How do you know who I am?” I asked.

    “The longer a man lives, the more likely he is to be known,” the man replied. “And when a man lives a thousand years, his name echoes in many chambers. I bet you didn’t expect to find an old ascetic like me in the ruins of the Newark Port Authority, did you?” he said, and grinned. He was missing more than a few teeth. (more…)

  • 220: (unsalted butter)

    listen, i don’t know who these fucking retards are that only eat unsalted butter, but they are idiots and i do NOT want unsalted butter in my house! do you hear me? take it back! take it back and tell the customer service lady that unsalted butter is an abomination to mankind. why would you get something without salt in it? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? tell me that, tell me why, why, huh? salt. it’s good for everything. you got a problem with your food? put some salt on it. hell you got a problem with your caramel? put some god damn salt in it. salted caramel! salted chocolate! salted taffy! SALT WATER TAFFY. we fucking, we put salt in EVERYTHING, and i’ll be god damned before i use unsalted butter in some of my favorite baking recipes. i see fear in your eyes because you’re scared of me. there’s nothing to be scared of, honey, i’m just passing along the truth to you. the truth is that for hundreds of years people had to eat food without salt added to it and those people were depressed and died in childbirth, and that’s just not okay. it’s not okay! so please take the receipt with you and make sure you get 100% salted butter. this is not an unsalted house!

  • 219: tawny (dog problem)

    i’ve got three dogs. three big dogs, all in the backyard. now i know my dogs like the back of my hand, i love my dogs, and i know they wouldn’t do something like that, not to a little kid. i mean if that kid got in my backyard, the dogs, they are very protective because that’s their home, you know what i’m saying, but they’ve been chained up all day and there’s no way they’d get outside the fence. that kid’d hafta come into my backyard. and even then how’d he get out? if he got in how’d he get out? you know? my dogs are good dogs, i don’t care what the neighbors say, they’re just scared, all of ’em. yeah sure sometimes they bark at night, i can’t help it, they see a squirrel or something and they start barking–but that’s the most they’ve ever done. they’d never hurt a kid, not a little kid. so you just pick up on out of here, got it? i got nothing else to say to any of you, y’all are looking at me like it’s my fault, i see the guilt in your eyes. other people in this town have dogs too god damn it! and nastier ones than my three boys. now get out of here! no more questions! get!