Josh Writes a Blog

Author: zornog

  • I Don't Know What to Talk About

    I Don't Know What to Talk About

    and yet, here i am

    My life continues to be boring. As of this writing I am a little over two weeks away from the Portland (Half) Marathon, which is kind of exciting. Between it and now, however, pretty boring.

    Been playing the Big Two video games of the past month or so: Starfield and Baldur’s Gate 3. Both are good for different reasons. If I had to pick one over the other though, it would be BG3. Very detailed, lots of great story and combat moments. Starfield is fun but it’s just Fallout in space. A lot of it feels unmotivated; the base building is Fallout 4, the upgrading is Fallout 4, character models look like they’re from Fallout 4. But you can build ships like Legos, which I enjoy, and the combat is sufficient and the planets are neat. I did board a pirate-raided ship whose power was malfunctioning, meaning that every few seconds it would turn off, causing me to float in the air from the lack of gravity. But that pales in comparison to the amount of havoc wreaked in Baldur’s Gate 3. A lot of choices you make in that game have consequences. Not consequences. Consequences. Which I enjoy a lot.

    Running is going very well. I finally ran a sub-30 minute 5k at the Beaverton 5k. I’ll just post some blog links if you want to read more:

    Garlic Festival 5k

    Parks & Rec 5k: Westmoreland

    Beaverton 5k/parkrun#24

    The Portland (Half) Marathon is a little over two weeks away from this writing. I’m excited for that. Still don’t feel like a proper runner, and by that I mean I feel like my body is not a runner’s body, and by that I mean I think I’m too fat to be a runner. Typical body dysmorphia bullshit. If you run, you’re a runner. But it still nags at me in the back of my mind. Bought new proper running shorts; that little nagging part thought, numerous times, Why did you buy these? These are for runners, not you. Shut up, brain.

    In the end, my body craves comfort because I was born with particular stars and planets in the night sky, or something like that, I don’t know how astrology works. So I bought the shorts because they are light and keep my cool when I run. Take that, self-confidence.

    Been watching TV. Ahsoka is great. Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is good and fun and a proper middle finger to Picard’s depressing nonsense. The only streaming service I pay for is AppleTV so I’ve been watching a lot of shows there. Foundation is good, but feels like one of those cheap sci-fi shows you’d watch in the 90s, like Stargate. Shows that have mediocre acting and terrible setpieces but decent storylines and interesting characters. Foundation is a bit above that, but still.

    Physical is a show that I didn’t think I’d enjoy but I actually really love it. It’s very raw and difficult to watch at times, which is surprising for a show about a woman trying to create an aerobics workout empire in the 1980s. It deals a lot with eating disorders, but since the creator and a lot of the staff on the show are women, it really comes at it in a way that’s rough to watch sometimes. I feel like if a man made this show it A) wouldn’t be as good, but B) would probably tone down the eating disorder stuff a bit.

    There’s probably an essay somewhere in the idea of women-created art and how much more emotionally raw it feels, especially art about women. Reminds me of menstrual performance art. It seemed like the late 90s or early 2000s had a lot of women making art about or even with their period blood. (I doubt that was the only time it happened, it’s just when I was aware of it.) The shocking “gross” aspect of it being the point, in a way; period blood is a natural body process for most women and the fact that society finds it gross is kind of weird, really.

    Anyway, the idea being that women are ultimately better at shocking people than men because there are more “taboo” concepts for women than for men. Think of when women were dressed head to toe and then a woman would show her ankle and it was scandalous. Physical is a show in part about a woman overcoming the taboo of having an eating disorder and, in turn, owning it and her own body and mind. It’s good. I like it.

    The other Rose Byrne show on Apple, Platonic, is meh.

    Hijack is surprisingly good. It’s about a plane hijack. Don’t know what else I need to say there.

    The Afterparty season 2 is fun. I appreciate that the first episode is an homage to sequels. A little meta joke there. I also like the conceit that Aniq and Zoe will just somehow arrive at a murder at the beginning of every season. I was thinking about this re: Hijack as well—it would be great if every season started with Idris Elba getting on some form of transport that ended up getting hijacked in the first episode. Season 1, plane. Season 2, bus. Season 3, boat. Season 4, elevator. Etc.

    Invasion is … alright, though I can’t stop thinking about Naian Gonzalez, who is just super attractive in that show. I’ve only gotten through the first episode though, maybe it picks up.

    I think that’s it on micro television reviews.

    My FAWM 50/90 music output has slowed to a snail’s pace. I’m at 23 songs and will definitely not get to 50, but that’s alright. Some decent stuff to tinker around with in a couple of months.

    So there’s my past couple of months. Running, watching TV, playing video games and D&D with friends, and making some l’il songs. Here’s one of those songs with lyrics if you’d like to listen. See you next month.

    the cool waitress of the sabbath

got the midshift this time
how's about a few hours to sleep in?
there's drool on your pillow;
a dream of a beach lined with palm trees

two missed calls from your mother
voicemails wondering if you forgot jesus?
you drop off your cigarette butt
in the half-empty can of budweiser
displayed on your bedside table

your car's in the shop again
the bus smells like pot again
you wish you had pot again

apply makeup in the restroom
just like the ancients before you
the cook is a new cook
the old cook got fired for stealing

angeline hands you your apron
tells you her boyfriend is leaving her
a brief hug while she wipes her eyes
you don't have the heart to describe
how much you despise her

here's where the fun begins
the regular crowd shuffles in
how they greet you with smiles
and a neverending empty gut

so this is your sunday whiled away
for a pittance and free dinner
late on your rent and your money's all spent
on some vices to quell your own wrath
the days keep on pulling you under the sway
while your mother's convinced you're a sinner
but someday they'll know what your CV can't show
the cool waitress of the sabbath

  • Beaverton 5k & parkrun #24

    Location: Beaverton, Oregon
    Distance: 5k
    Chip Time: 29:28
    Pace: 9:27/mi

    First thing’s first:

    SUB-30 5K, BABY!

    I fuckin’ did it. Plus a PR on 1k (5:37) and 1 mi (9:07).

    Okay let’s talk about the day. I did the 5k race and then parkrun almost immediately after, because it’s Rock Creek parkrun’s 4th anniversary and there was cupcakes. Was this a good idea? Read on.

    Pre-Race

    Not too much on this one. I drove out to the Beav’ on Friday afternoon to grab my bib and t-shirt. It was at Portland Running Company, which sponsors or is Run with Paula Events, I’m not sure. The two seem in cahoots. (RWP is the … host? of this event? The producer?) The store was nice and chill and outside there were clearance racks with “old model” clothes and shoes, plus you got a 15% discount on top of that for running the race. So, long story short, I have three new pairs of legitimate running shorts.

    Unfortunately I did not wear any of my new shorts to the race itself because Nothing New On Race Day.

    The only free stuff was a Clif bar and a coupon for a free garlic bread from the Old Spaghetti Factory. Yippee.

    Next morning I’m up at 6am as usual, taking my morning PRP1, getting myself ready by prepping an extra shirt and socks for parkrun, and then I’m out the door.

    Atmosphere

    First of all, the parking for this event was probably the best I’ve ever witnessed. Plenty of parking spots across the street and lots of volunteers directing us exactly where we need to go. Seamless, it was.

    The atmosphere for this event was pretty chill. All of the different races (5k, 10k and half) started at 8am, which meant that we were all together getting ready. I liked this; it felt like better camaraderie than staggered times.

    There were some sponsor kiosks and I visited none of them. In fact, one of them was Geico, which seemed to have a lot of swag, but I switched from Geico to Progressive because Geico was gouging me on my car insurance, so … I’m sure it would’ve been awkward for them to see me.

    Another welcome aspect of this race was the streets were well-cordoned off, meaning warmup runs could be done for longer stretches rather than going back and forth. It really was nice, felt big and open compared to the Garlic Fest pre-race, which was more constrained.

    The Race

    I came into this race thinking I would break 30 minutes. I had gotten close enough with parkrun to know that if I ran on a flatter course, I wouldn’t tire out as much and I’d be able to press on more overall. And that pretty much came true!

    My mile paces were 9:08, 9:23, and 9:59. That third mile drop was because I ended up walking about :24 seconds. Really didn’t want to but my heart rate had hit 179bpm slightly before and I just felt like I needed to rest for a bit. Up until that point, my 2 mi time was around 18:31 (another PR), meaning that I would’ve been around 28 minutes if I hadn’t slowed down. But I didn’t come to this race to run 28 minutes, I came to break 30 minutes, and I did that plus 32 extra seconds.

    I actually had my Garmin watch set for a 9:00 pace, just to go a bit above and beyond, mainly because I tend to go out fast and I figured if I was going to do that, I might as well go out really fast (for me) and bank some time for the back end.

    But really, even during that walking bit my pace only dropped down to around 14 minutes, which is good, as it means even when walking I was walking briskly. My HR never got to 180, which I cannot believe. Also my cadence was good! Average of 173, or about 20 spm more than usual. I guess that makes sense considering I was running faster than usual. Even my stride length is getting longer–hovered around .97m but was at 1 or above several times.

    And then, of course, that last tenth of a mile. Perfect little bit for a sprint. People who run in kms don’t get to hear their watch been for mile 3 and then get into sprint mode. It’s too bad, really.

    I’m really proud of the effort I put into this race. There’s always room for improvement but the fact that I had a goal in mind and crushed it is awesome. My body and mind were synced up this go around, and it made for an excellent outing.

    Post-Race

    My post-race time consisted of me catching my breath, getting my medal and some snacks, and then trying to find my car. Then, once I found my car, I had to figure out how to leave without disrupting the entire event. Once I did that, then I drove as fast as legally allowed to Rock Creek Trail for parkrun!

    parkrun #24

    I arrived 6 minutes late and they let me run anyway–a couple of them were mostly shocked that I came from a run and was going on a run again. I started my watch from my car because I knew I would be hustling to the start line, and was already late so my official time wouldn’t really matter. I figured as long as I beat the tail walker, I’d be fine.

    Ended up doing a little better than I thought I would. Honestly, I thought I’d be walking this entire thing. Instead, I ran with my pace all over the place until my heart rate got up to the high 160s, then stopped and walked and cooled down. No need to have 170s for this run. It honestly was over before I realized it. Sort of went on autopilot there.

    Maybe there was a bigger hullabaloo prior to the start about how it’s RCT’s 4th anniversary. All I know is that at the end there were snacks and I grabbed one and then left. Not really sure why I didn’t stick around. After runs I think my brain is a tired and affects my decision making. But it was nice to see everyone!

    And that’s that. Big run day for me. Some PRs and proof that this is all paying off. I don’t think there will be another 5k PR anytime soon, as I have to get my mind into half marathon focus. But who knows?

    After this is parkrun 25! followed by the last Parks & Rec 5k at Gabriel Park. Until then.

    1. Pre race poop. ↩︎

  • parkrun #23

    Official time was 30:09. This is a great PR but also 10 seconds away from a sub-30 5k is wild. The last two parkruns (#21 and #22) I didn’t write about because they weren’t very interesting. I ran slow on 21 and even slower on 22, mostly to prevent my watch from restructuring my future suggested runs–22 specifically was slow because I had a long run that Sunday that I wanted to be at least somewhat healthy for.

    This week I was like, let’s go for it. At this point I know a sub-30 5k is in me. Even when my time was around 31 minutes, I knew, because the first half of Rock Creek Trail is uphill, in kind of a gnarly way, especially right before the turnaround to come back. As long as you can keep pace up those hills, the second half of the run is downhill except for one small uphill which I will talk about in a second. So you can expect a downhill second half, which is very helpful!

    My downfall this week was that slight incline before the gradual downhill section called Deepak’s Torture Hill on Strava. It’s funny how that’s just a segment on an app, but like 100 years ago it probably would’ve officially been named that, after some guy named Deepak who keeps running up that hill. But I decided to take a short walk break there. According to Garmin it was only :18 seconds, but it could’ve been the difference between 30:09 and, say, 30:01, or even 29:59.

    It ultimately doesn’t bother me that much, as 30:09 is more than a minute faster than my previous parkrun PR of 31:17. I’ll take it. But I know there’s a sub-30 time in me. Maybe we’ll find out … next Saturday, when I run the Beaverton 5k! It starts at 8am so my goal is to run it and then get in my car and try to get to parkrun after, because it’s Rock Creek Trail parkrun’s 4th anniversary! There’ll be cupcakes!

    Until then…

  • Parks & Rec 5k/EPIP: Westmoreland

    SE McLoughlin Blvd and Bybee Blvd
    Neighborhood: Sellwood-Moreland
    Portland Parks & Rec Page

    Distance: 5k
    Time: 34:48
    Pace: 11:08/mi

    North is left!

    Sadly, I missed the July P&R 5k due to the stomach flu. That was in Columbia Park, which is in the smaller Portsmouth neighborhood adjacent to St. Johns, making it the most northern of the 5 5k races Parks & Rec put together. Westmoreland, meanwhile, despite being more west land, is actually in most southwestern part of southeast Portland, right across the street from Eastmoreland, a neighborhood that is, of course, east of Westmoreland and is about 20% golf course.

    These are both named after Julius C. Moreland, a lawyer and then judge in the 19th and early 20th centuries. A realty company of which he was an executive wanted to make four neighborhoods in his name, for–you guessed it–the four compass points. But I guess only West- and Eastmoreland made it to final print.

    Imagine if I had four neighborhoods like that. Northbelville, Southbelville, Eastbelville, and Westbelville. How annoying!

    Westmoreland Park is one of the best parks in Portland, no doubt about it. It’s huge, has about half a dozen baseball and softball diamonds, tennis courts, a lawn bowling green, and the somewhat iconic duck pond, called Hall Pond, which was originally built as a fly-casting pond (and is still used for that purpose). Crystal Springs Creek, which runs nearby through the park as well, apparently has salmon in it during the appropriate seasons. According to the P&R page, the pond is supposed to be removed at some point and returned to a wetland, which I think is a great idea. Apparently the pond gets hot in the summer which isn’t good for the salmon or the ducks.

    The 5k itself was fine; I ran slower this morning due to the heat and wanting to take it easy after the Garlic Fest 5k yesterday, but still managed an 11:08/mi pace, which is faster than I had anticipated. My heart rate was higher than I would’ve liked, but I was in the zone, baby. Plus it was roughly 10-15 degrees warmer than my usual summer run temperatures so I’m not sure my heart rate would’ve lowered enough to be worth slowing down.

    One thing that was kind of funny is that near the start of the run was a very comically narrow bridge that we all piled up at because you could only run it single file. But then we got to run around the duck pond twice (which needed more shade for sure) and ran on lots of wood chips. I kind of hate running on wood chips, but they were good for my knees, I guess.

    I’m also pretty sure there is a running group for, like, ex-convicts or something that participates in these 5ks, which is very cool. They were being filmed this time, probably PR for their program. The whole event is very much worth the $5 price.

    Aesthetics: Big huge gorgeous park. The only drawback is that it’s right next to a busy boulevard and MAX light rail. Thankfully the way the park is set up you don’t see the street and cars and all that too much. 7/10

    Function: If you want to Do A Thing, this is the park for you. Baseball, softball, basketball, just most anything with balls, plus tennis and fly-casting for some weird reason. Lots to do here with your family and friends. 10/10

    Sketchiness: Not too bad. There were a couple of homeless people parked near an apartment complex, but nothing felt like anyone was in danger. To be fair, this was a public event, so I might have a skewed vision. 7/10

    The last 5k run is in Gabriel Park, the only run on the west side because East Side is the Best Side. See you then.

  • Garlic Festival 5k

    Location: North Plains, Oregon
    Distance: 5k
    Chip Time: 31:32
    Pace: 10:09/mi

    North Plains is a cute little town situated right off US-26. Every year they have a Garlic Festival which, for some reason, also has a race attached to it. The event is hosted by the Oregon Road Runners Club (ORRC) and is a very no frills type of scene.

    Pre-Race

    In general, my 5k times have been decreasing a lot over the last month. My last six parkruns have all been PRs, my time going from 34:54 to 31:17. How did this happen? I … don’t know. I’m just running a lot? I guess?

    Point is, a sub-30 5k time is within sight and I have made it my mission to attempt it whenever I run a race, starting with this one. For the record, a 29:59 5k time requires a 9:39/mi pace, which I have discovered, I cannot sustain. But we’ll get into that later.

    Lately I’ve been feeling really blah about running in general. My motivation is low and despite my faster times, I get out of bed in the morning usually not wanting to go out. But I do it, because that’s what you gotta do.

    This morning felt a little different. Races are like that; instead of a solitary morning slowly drenching myself in sweat, I get to slowly drench myself in sweat among other sweaty people! Hooray. My races earlier this year made me anxious and prevented a good night’s sleep; this one I got up like I was on week 8 out of a 12 week run of a play. I know all the ins and outs by this point, which is a lot nicer than fretting.

    I left home with just a few essentials: towel, snot rag, regular water bottle, handheld water bottle, sunglasses. My handheld bottle was empty because I didn’t think I would need water during the race itself. I was wrong.

    Funnily enough, North Plains is just a few miles from Rock Creek Trail parkrun on US-26. Farther away from Portland, but it’s a nice little drive.

    Atmosphere/Swag

    ORRC was founded in 1970 and touts itself as the second oldest and largest running club in Oregon. I’m not sure what the oldest is but based on a cursory google search I presume it is Eugene’s Oregon Track Club, which has been around since 1958. Wouldn’t this mean that ORRC is the oldest road running club? Who knows.

    Anyway, because it’s one of these old timey clubs, the atmosphere for this run felt very chill in an old time way. Like, some races are flashy and “exciting” and this felt like you were going on a run with a bunch of old timers. Which wasn’t true at all, there were all ages there, but it just felt less like a “look at my cute running kit!” group and more of a “the bush halfway between mile 7 and 8 is a perfect spot to take a shit” group.

    Everyone was mingled together more or less; the 5k began right as the fastest half marathoners were ending. It just seemed super chill, is what I’m saying. I like a chill race!

    The swag was very simple: a pair of socks and, afterward, a head of elephant garlic. It is the Garlic Festival after all!

    The Race

    So, like many runners, I went out way too fast in the beginning.

    Or, rather, I went out at a pace I thought I would need to sustain to get below 30 minutes. But as you can see, my pace dropped pretty much the entire time, with two walking points which came about due to me trying to catch my breath after some inclines. (I won’t call them hills–it was only an 89ft total ascent but each ascent felt like 5,000ft.)

    Having an average pace of 10:09/mi is great though. And my first mile was 9:28, which is a new PR for me. Being able to sustain that pace for a mile is just an indication that I could sustain it for two miles, and then three, eventually. My body is still adjusting to this runner lifestyle.

    My feet went crazy numb over the run though. I’m going to have to see a doc about it at this point, to at least get some ideas of what I can do to alleviate it. I’m going to have to stop a lot during my half if my feet keep going numb.

    The course was pretty plain, just running alongside a road for the majority. Wasn’t very exciting or pretty. Again, the ORRC is like “Okay it’s run time” and they measure out the distance and it’s not like near a beautiful waterfall or anything. It’s just miles, dag nabbit.

    The 5k had 171 participants. I placed 59th overall. The guy who placed 55th was 78 years old; 57th was 71 years old. That’s … humbling.

    I was 4 out of 10 in my age group (only 10 40-44 year old runners?) and 42 out of 88 men. So pretty average, as always, but just sliiiiiightly above average. Story of my life!

    (There were 200 10k runners and 137 half marathon runners. I’m not counting the people who signed up just to walk.)

    Post-Race

    This was most certainly not after the race.

    I was so fucking exhausted after the race ended, I can’t remember the majority of it. A lady gave me a medal and a head of elephant garlic, just like the prophecy said, and then I sat down in the dirt and caught my breath. There wasn’t any good place to sit in the shade except the dirt, and I’m not above sitting in the dirt. I’m a great dirt-sitter.

    When I was rested, I grabbed snacks and a Sprite and a very tasty breakfast burrito. I wish I knew who made the burritos, like if it was a company or just a nice family or something (or both!). They were good. Then I sat down on a mat thing they laid out for people, ate my burrito, kind of stared into the middle distance for a bit, and then headed back to my car and left. I did change shirts, too. This is a new summertime routine, bringing an extra shirt to change out of. Born out of driving home from one parkrun and then going to my car a couple of days later, opening the door, and feeling like I stepped into a steam room. The sweat embedded in my car seat with my car just sitting out in the hot sun for days can’t be good, right? Like, that’s just mold waiting to happen.

    Hence, shirt change.

    And that was it! I Drove, I Ran, I Ate a Burrito. (Apparently that’s eieci, cucurri, edi, burrito in Latin, in case you were wondering.)

    Tomorrow is the 4th Portland Parks & Rec 5k fun run, this one in Westmoreland Park. I plan to run it very easy, but you know how I get. There will be a blog about it, don’t you worry.

    Next timed race is the Beaverton Half 5k, part of the Run with Paula set of events. I think it’s my first one of these!

    Then, dun dun dunnnn … the Portland (Half) Marathon.

    Until then.

  • parkrun #20

    Another PR in the books! This one was a :37 PR; 31:54 last week, 31:17 this week. The last few weeks of parkruns have been wild. And this morning was HUMID. Wildly humid, felt like running in a steam room at points.

    I know my jumps in speed are from training and running more, but the amount that I’ve increased is staggering to me. Since my first parkrun in January, my 5k time has decreased by 11:41. An over ten minute difference in eight months! I feel like if I hadn’t been injured those couple of times, I could’ve made this in six months, but whatever.

    A lot of what cause this jump was just the knowledge that I could do it. There was a part of me that thought I either couldn’t do it, or that if I did it I would puke my guts out or something. But regular training and interval sessions have shown me that I can keep up a faster pace for longer. My easy run speed is now around 12:15/mi and I’m hoping to get that faster too over the next year.

    And this time is with three pretty decent uphill bits! It looks like the Garlic Festival 5k on the 12th is flatter so I can try to push for closer to a 30 minute 5k time.

    This is a lot of me putting my mind to it, knowing what I’m capable of and getting a great chance to show it at a community event. I’m thankful that parkrun exists (even if I do wish it was a little closer) and now I’m only 5 away from my first milestone!

    Next week: GARLIC.

  • The Marches of Summer

    The Marches of Summer

    an overall cool-ish season so far

    I know basically nothing about Belgium surrealist painter Rene Magritte, other than he’s the guy who made two of the most famous paintings of the 20th century:

    This is not a post about Rene Magritte; I just wanted to title it “Summer Marches On” and when I typed that into Google1, one of the first page results was Magritte’s painting, which is fascinating if you think about it in the context of its time. Late 30s Belgium, sitting neutral, watching Hitler’s rise to power. Two years later it would be occupied by Nazi forces, with King Leopold III surrendering without consulting his government at all, and would stay occupied until Allied forces liberated the country in October of 1944.

    Magritte remained in Brussels during this occupation and his art style turned very different while the Nazis were around, adopting a more colorful, so-called “Renoir” style. For example, here is “The glass house” from 1939:

    And here is “Forethought” from 1943:

    Pretty different style, eh? The guy clearly didn’t want the Nazis asking him pointed questions about surrealism. I don’t blame him; they wouldn’t get it.

    This isn’t a post about Rene Magritte, but god damn are his paintings amazing.

    In case you think film reboots are a unique endeavor, might I suggest this:

    Yes, Magritte painted a sequel. He actually painted several paintings over and over again in his lifetime. I won’t get into that though, because it’s kind of depressing.

    Life

    June was a good month. It started with two 5ks on the same day, which was new for me. Parkrun #15 in the morning and then the Starlight Run in the evening. I thought I was going to run slow for both of them but I didn’t, and it was fine. The Starlight Run was great because people were cheering us on even if they were mostly waiting for the parade later that night. Also there were a lot of children wanting high fives along the route. Like, too many. Sorry I didn’t high five all of you.

    Then the next week I went on a date. A first date with someone I met on Hinge. I think it was Hinge. It wasn’t a great first date, we didn’t have a lot of compatibility and she seemed weirdly adversarial at times. And I drank too much, which these days is like two beers. Which meant I babbled on about nonsense. Eh. I learned from it; namely, that waiting for the Right One™ is the best idea, but also, you can’t find the Right One™ if you don’t go and look.

    The week after that I ran the second of my Portland Parks & Rec 5ks, out in Lents Park. It was nice to actually run this one, when I had to walk the first one because of nagging injuries. And then that weekend I drove to Redmond, Oregon to run the Redmond Run. It was great! The drive to central Oregon was pretty and the cabin I stayed in was very cute and the run itself was a blast. Redmond is close to Bend, so it felt like a nice small race, like a little group of runners wanting to do something over the summer. I also got to walk around Smith Rock, which is beautiful.

    Then! The final full week of June I drove to Grants Pass to have a little mini family reunion with my parents, my brother Russ, and his girlfriend Lori. Had a great time, despite what my friend Will thinks of his hometown. Drove to Crater Lake, saw a play at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, and drove around Grants Pass so my mom could take pictures of the bears there.

    It was a lovely little vacation and it was great to see my family again.

    In July, I ran my first ever quarter marathon with the Foot Traffic Flat, up on Sauvie Island, in the northwest of Portland. My first proper “distance” race, it went pretty well! I was pleased with my result, even if I got confused at the end because I thought it was a 10k, and not 10.55k, which meant when my watch beeped, alerting me that I had completed my 10k, there was no finish line in sight, causing me to wonder, “Did I make a wrong turn and now I’m following the half marathon crowd?” It was fine though, I just needed to run a bit more.

    A week later I got the stomach flu! Yeehaw.

    My race schedule has tapered quite a bit since the Flat. I don’t have another 5k until August, the Garlic Festival 5k in North Plains, OR. Since then I’ve been running more and more and getting a lot of PRs in my 5k runs at parkrun. I think I might get a sub 30 minute time by the end of the summer. Fingers crossed.

    Now, I’m trying to get a new passport so I can go on a trip next year. I don’t think I’ll get it in time for cheap flights though. For some reason I lost or threw away my old passport, I have no idea, but I wish I hadn’t because it would’ve been a lot easier to get it renewed if I had kept it.

    The objective is England. I want to run my 50th parkrun at Bushy Park in London, where parkrun started. I want to have one of those Big Vacations. I got a credit card and everything.

    50/90

    I skipped FAWM (February Album Writing Month) this year, having absolutely no desire to write music then. But with FAWM comes this little side quest called the 50/90 challenge; 50 songs in 90 days, from July 4 to October 1. (Or something like that, don’t math me.)

    This year 50/90 is on the FAWM site and it looks great! They really did a great job of integrating it. So I’m writing little songs there. No real production value (not that I had that to begin with), just a geetar and me coming up with shit quick so I can grease up the ol’ creativity wheels.

    I’m going to share one with you here. It’s the one I like the most, so far. It’s called “the horizon” and I kind of aped Phoebe Bridgers a bit but whatever.

    I’m up to 15 songs as of this writing so we’ll see how many of those are salvageable. I’ve only done 50/90 once before, back in 2009, and there are several songs from that session that are garbage, and some that I wish I had released. Oh well.

    A Thing for You

    Here are some songs!

    I know little about Richard Thompson but for some reason I had this album back in the day and I really enjoyed it. And of course since sumer has, in fact, cumed in2, I thought it prudent to add this.

    Art Brut was a band I enjoyed back in the 2000s. In one of my D&D games we joke about making a party of all bards (a “bardy”) and I suggested this be our theme song.

    Jaboukie I only really know because he used to pretend to be other people on Twitter—most notably the FBI, which I believe got him banned for quite some time:

    But anyway his song is very good if you like rap at least.

    And finally, of course, it’s Carly Rae Jepsen. Her latest b-sides-esque album, The Loveliest Time, is out, and like with her previous b-side albums, some of the songs on here are better than the ones on her a-side album. Like this one!

    The End

    That’s it for now. Go look at some Rene Magritte paintings!

    Also since you stuck around this long, here’s another song I wrote for the 50/90 challenge. It’s called “mod girl” and is about Gen Z girls who dress vintage. Enjoy. See you next time.

    you dress like the 60s
    but you're only 16
    you were born in 2008
    you might be a poser 
    but you still look good 
    in bell bottoms

    the weed's 10x stronger 
    so pack up your bong or
    take a big hit from vape
    swathed in ambers and greens 
    holy hues of the autumn

    high school still lingers 
    a prison that brings only
    terror like settling ash 
    so spend all your nannying cash
    on a bright yellow sweater

    hippie or beatnik 
    mod, chic--you can't pick
    at least you can choose 
    from them all
    but not at the local mall
    but the vintage store
    tucked in the corner
    their selection is better

    one day when you're older 
    these clothes all a-mouldering
    piles in a landfill somewhere
    you'll wonder what fashion
    was there
    when you were a teen

    cause all you remember 
    shift dresses and splendor
    and go go boots stuck in your mind
    a smile cause it felt so refined
    so perfect and clean

    the time feels like cycles
    in 20 years, all this recycles
    for the next protegees
    but that feels like decades away
    and now is important

    so pull on your bold
    colored tights, so old
    and jauntily knock your beret
    for this is your statement today
    a decision made with a purpose
    not just simply an accent
    1. I had thought it was a lyric to a Decemberists song, “The Gymnast, High Above the Ground,” but the lyrics there is actually “April marches on.” Alas, it is not April at this very moment. ↩︎
    2. hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehhehe ↩︎

  • parkrun #19

    My last four parkruns have all been PRs. Despite what Strava says, my actual official time was 31:54, which means I am now sub-32 minutes for my 5k. Last week my PR was almost 2 minutes faster than the one prior, and this week is 27 seconds faster than last week.

    I don’t know what’s happened. I mean, I kind of do: I’m running more, longer distances, and different kinds of runs. But the difference between January through May and June-July is astounding. I feel like all of this running and exercise is finally starting to kick in. Like, lately I’ve noticed my HR is lower than usual and my stress levels are also lower. My heart is returning to a resting HR faster too. Why now? Why not two months ago? I’m not sure, other than my mileage kicking up. My heart is just getting better at its job, which is awesome.

    I only walked once this entire run, for 22 seconds according to Garmin (I’m pretty sure it was 30 seconds, but whatever). Otherwise, I was running, averaging 10:18/mi! That’s wild for me. Moreover, my HR was way more stable overall this week than last week. Last week, when I was done, Garmin suggested a 61 hour recovery period. This week, it suggested 41 hours. Wild stuff.

    I also ran my fastest mile, which was under 10 minutes (9:59 to be exact). Just great work. I’m very pleased with myself and my progress.

    After parkrun I even drove to IKEA (after I had gone home, showered, and relaxed for a bit, of course) and bought four heavy furniture things, and lugged them all up to my fourth floor apartment, by myself, one at a time, with barely any issues, except when I dropped the heaviest bit on one of its corners onto the hard concrete. I haven’t built that one yet and god I hope it’s not too broken.

    I said I would likely break 30 minutes by the end of the year, but at this rate, I’ll break it by the end of the summer. We’ll see. I wonder if I could do it on a flatter course… track run 5k incoming.

  • parkrun #18

    Well, this happened. What’s this, you ask? Only a nearly two minute PR from my last parkrun, three weeks ago. What happened, you may ask?

    I mean, a lot of things happened, so let’s unpack it all.

    First, I’ve just been running more. More volume to to have a steady mileage foundation for the Portland (half) Marathon in October. It’s like 9 weeks away. Nine weeks is October! Auuuggghhh.

    And these runs have a lot of variety to them. Mainly base runs for mileage, but some speed work, threshold work, and long runs thrown in there as well. All good stuff.

    Second, I bought new shoes. I have three new pairs of running shoes, specifically, all Saucony: The Ride 16 as a daily trainer, the Triumph 20 for my long runs, and the Kinvara 14 for speed work and races. So I wore the Kinvara 14s to parkrun. And they worked pretty dang well if I do say so myself. They are about 3oz lighter than my Nike Winflo 9s, have a lighter mesh top for breathability, and the new cushioning had a nice bounce to it that ended up helping propel me forward better, I suppose, than my Carl Winflos. I may have tied them a little too loose though; they felt a little slippery during the run, but thankfully not enough to be an issue.

    These shoes are (to me, the novice runner at least) like driving a Lamborghini, in the sense that any little pressure on the gas pedal sends me hurtling forward. 0-60 in 3 seconds sort of thing. So while my idea was to hit 11:00/mi pacing, I ended up starting much, much faster, around 9:45/mi. And felt fine! I walked a few times but whenever I ran again, I was practically bounding.

    Third, and perhaps most important: my mentality. I just felt like I could do it. Basically, Garmin was suggesting threshold workouts where I’d run at threshold (10:10/mi) for 17 minutes. And I would get through that no problem. So this morning I thought, “Well, if I can run 17 minutes at threshold, surely I can run 30 minutes at threshold, right?”

    The answer is … kinda! I ended up walking a few times because my HR was at around 175bpm and I wanted to get it lower (the 160s) so I wouldn’t run out of energy. But at no point did my heart rate ever feel like it was out of control, which is a great thing. It reminds me of cars: cars are designed to drive fast. Cars like being at around 55mph. Your heart is an engine, and it likes beating fast if that is helping to run the machine, you know?

    Anyway, a couple of other things that I did that probably helped are: I ate a bagel with peanut butter and honey about an hour and a half before the run. Just had some fuel in the ol’ belly. And I left my phone in my car and ran only with my car key, my parkrun card, and my trusty Snot Rag (which I ended up not needing). I think staying light overall helped.

    This all bodes well for a sub-30 5k by the end of the year. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if I hit sub-30 by the end of the summer. We’ll see if I can sustain 32-33 minute 5ks in the future. (I probably won’t, and shouldn’t expect to.)

    The Garlic Festival 5k is my next race and I’m hoping I can take my parkrun times and do that during a race. I haven’t gotten sub-35 in a 5k race yet. I think that will change soon.

  • Sickness & Health

    I’m not getting married. Let’s just get that out of the way right now.

    I had the stomach flu for the first time in a long time. Like, fever and everything. It was a pretty wild 48 hours. My stomach was being kind of weird on Friday but I thought it was just a bug, so I went and got drinks with friends. Ended up staying up way too late, drinking too much, eating too many nachos, etc. I remember being chilly when I went to bed, and then when my alarm woke me up at 6am the next day (or, really, the same day), I felt like a furnace and my heart beat was steady and high.

    Fun TMI fact: I had a dream before waking up that I had to take a shit and was in some kind of cabin or cabin-esque house, with people, including a woman who I knew was my sister but I don’t have a sister in real life. Anyway, the door to the bathroom was basically a ramshackle tavern-style door which didn’t close but I couldn’t hold it so I went in and did my business, and then my sister came in and berated me for making a horrible, smell that everyone could smell in the entire house.

    Then I woke up and realized that my brain was trying to tell me that I had to take a very terrible, no good shit. But I did that and felt okay enough to go buy groceries. Went home, unloaded everything, was like, “Man I feel kind of sleepy,” then proceeded to lie down and take a three hour nap. Woke up feeling furnace-y again, so I finally took my temperature. 100.9°F, plus the body aches that tend to accompany a fever. I promptly took a covid test, my last box with two tests left. Tested negative. Didn’t re-test because none of my symptoms were respiratory; now that I’ve had covid, I know what to expect.

    So I took it easy. I think my body’s overall recovery level was lower than I realized due to lots of running. Apparently you can get sick after running because of cortisol levels or something like that. I think I would’ve been fine, though, if I hadn’t gone out with friends. Oh well.

    I feel alright finally and went for a run this morning. Attempted Garmin’s suggested workout, which was it basically delaying my Sunday long run of 1:09:00 to today. Made it 30 minutes before my gut was like, “Hey bro! Remember how you had the flu?!”

    But I feel better. Then I watched this reel that Brian Jordan Alvarez made:

    Why would you allow embeds IG but not allow embeds IG.

    For context: I took dance classes the last year and a half of undergrad. I was a Theatre Arts major and didn’t feel very “in tune” with my body; where it was in space, how it interacted on stage and with other actors. Stuff like that. So I took dance classes: ballet, jazz, modern, and a repertory dance class where we choreography stuff. During that time, movement and dance were just aspects of life. You’d go to class and do some form of movement. And it would sit with you, in your body.

    Brian’s video just sort of hit me because it is so full of joy and expression and that’s not somewhere I’ve been in a long time. And I miss it. I miss just fucking dancing, you know? Not “Going to a dance class.” Hearing a good song on your playlist and going for it. I haven’t felt like that in probably 20 years. I feel like Peter before he becomes Peter Pan in Hook. I used to go out dancing occasionally once I moved to Portland, and of course the “white guy indie band head bob” I’d do at concerts doesn’t count.

    It feels like as you get older, individual expression just gets beat out of you. This world has no need for it. Capitalism needs you to make car doors and sell needless things. I miss the exploration of college theatre and art classes. Nobody really tells you how quickly that goes away once you’ve left. I got it again for a bit in grad school but it wasn’t exactly the same as being in my 20s and experiencing all of these new and exciting things for the first time. I’ll never experience them for the first time, unless I lose my memory somehow, and I really hope that doesn’t happen.

    This is the “health” portion of the title. The health of self-expression, of finding joy in the world. Dancing in the kitchen, laughing loudly and openly. Sneezing loudly! Stop holding your sneezes in, people. Looking up when you’re outside. Finding compassion in people and for people. Stuff you lose track of over time because life is hard and things are tough.

    I’m gonna try to find it again.