life in portland

I’d say eighty-five percent of conversations I’ve had with people who live in Portland either start, or turn into, something like this:

Me: So I’m thinking about getting something to eat…
Person: Oh yeah?  Where are you going?
Me: I dunno, I was thinking East Burn?
Person: OH. MY. GOD. THAT PLACE IS SO. GOOD.
Me: Uh, yeah, it’s pretty tasty.

Or:

Me: So I’m thinking about getting something to eat…
Person: Have you ever been to Mama Mia?
Me: Mama Mia? Nope.
Person: OH. MY. GOD. IT IS SO. GOOD.
Me: Oh yeah?

Or:

Person: Have you tried the new Rogue ale?
Me: Nope. Let me guess, is it good?
Person: OH. MY. GOD. IT IS … SOGOOD.

Or:

Me: I’m thinking about heading to Powells to–
Person: OH MY GOD, I. LOVE. POWELLS.
Me: Yeah, everyone does, it’s–
Person: IT’S A BLOCK OF BOOKS.
Me: I know.
Person: SO. GOOD.

Or:

Me: Have you heard of this band?
Person: SO. GOOD.

Or:

Person: We should go to Ground Kontrol tonight. THAT PLACE IS SO. AWESOME.

Or:

Me: Have you been–
Person: SO. GOOD.
Me: I haven’t even said–
Person: AWESOME, THEIR SUSHI IS TO. DIE. FOR.
Me: It’s not sushi!
Person: I GOTTA GO.

Or:

Me: Have you been to that baby-strangling place?
Person: OH. MY. GOD. BEST BABY STRANGLING PLACE EVER.

My point being — the city is apparently the best place ever, but the people are a little two-dimensional.  When you ask people what they do for a living, they say something like, “I’m a vegan” or “I have tattoos.”  They pierce their septum or wear bright neon spandex or ride bicycles everywhere.  They read Nietzsche and Marx and quote them in an attempt to seem cool, but when you try to have a conversation with them it all falls into mush.  They love pop culture “ironically” (read: they really just love pop culture), and they like bands so obscure they probably just made them up on the spot.

I always thought that I wanted to be a part of the hipster community, but now that I see it face-to-face, I really, really don’t.